Communication is both verbal and non verbal forms. Verbal is the words we use to convey a message. Non verbal is the body movements we use that often reinforce what we are saying. The use of our hands such as waving in the air or hands folded while we talk represents how we feel. There may be ‘noises’ that impacts our ability to communicate effectively. Noises are as simple as a loud environment, or even personality clashes and feeling emotionally unwell.
Here is my advice on faciliting good communication in courting and in marriage:
Advice # 1.) More work is done with changing yourself rather than the other person (man you are courting or husband) to communicate better.
Before talking about the matter, it is important to find your emotion you are currently feeling and name it ( such as sad, angry). In addition, find the time to collect your thoughts before talking to the man you are courting or husband.
When you do discuss the matter in a timely manner, this form of sequence helps to have a clear communication line. First, express the issue, Second, state your current feeling. Thirdly, ask a question to have a open dialogue about the issue. It is important to keep a ‘window open’, just in case he requires time to think about the situation and his response.
Overall, what about the potential husband ?…how would he respond to a situation like this?
-He would realize that he hurt or offended you and apologize for doing so
-He provides an explanation to the issue
-He provides a solution to the issue
He does not blame or have anger towards the situation. He simply deals with the presenting issue.
Advice # 2.) For those who are in the courting stage, TALK after discussing the issue.
For the married couple, don’t go to bed ANGRY…
It is natural to have a difference opinion, but once there is a solution , your future husband should enjoy having a conversation.
I truly believe that avoiding a conversation after a difference in opinion leaves tension in the relationship which can lead to other lingering feelings such such as bitterness. If you are courting or married, enjoy a walk, going out for coffee or tea after an argument and find something to laugh about. After all, it is about going through life issues as a journey together.
Advice # 3.) Knowing that there is a difference in expressions in love and feels comfortable expressing it.
For a woman she needs to hear ‘I love you’. It means she is cherished and accepted.
A woman truly appreciates to hear these words which goes along with actions that shows love such as surprise gifts.
For the man, he needs reassurance that you as the woman is worth fighting for.
As a wise and intelligent woman, keep in mind that for some men, they want to guide and protect his family. Furthermore, being unable to have adequate finances can make him question his worth. In low moments of his life such as financial difficulties ACKNOWLEDGING his efforts to care for you means a lot to him. As example of acknowledging his effort is stating ” I appreciate all the work you are doing to ensure we go out on a regular basis”.
Advice # 4.) The ultimate way to avoid issues in your relationship, is if he has an issue with you or vice versa, you both discuss it together first. Don’t let someone else know about how you feel before your partner knows.
By discussing the issue together is a form of respect to each other. It can be ultimately embarrassing if you hear from someone else close to you an issue that you were not aware of. It is important to work through issues together. There may be a time, when there is an ongoing issue in the relationship. As a wise and intelligent woman, you may have a friend that is able to keep a neutral stance on your relationship and issues. When you present an issue to your friend, she will be able to provide you with wisdom on how to handle the situation. You will be able to make a clear decision, that will help strengthen you as a person and/ or the relationship.Ultimately, working together as a team and handling issues together helps you understand your future husband on a deeper level.
Your future husband ‘s ability to communicate well is optimal. Although, most of the work should be done with you on finding the correct way to communicate to someone during a conversation. During disputes, he ensures that he first discusses it with you and works to find a solution. There are no blaming or displaying of anger when an issue is presented by either one of you in the relationship. After differences in opinions are discussed, you are both willing to talk and enjoy your time together. Demonstrations of love are shown differently based on the type of relationship- courting stage or marriage. Woman appreciate hearing ‘I love you’ and men want to reassurance that the ‘woman he is with is worth fighting for’. Good communication inspires growth in each person and strengthens the relationship as a whole.
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